Know what can and can't work for you

If i hadn't learnt by experience then this time i would have done the same mistake again. Yes at that time it was hard but as every wise person knows its the experiences that we carry along after an event / circumstance that matters and i intend to use the past experiences to shield me from committing the same mistake, not really twice because i might have gone through that more than once but from doing the same mistake this time and also in future.

Last Sunday i had started watching the movie 'he is not that into you' and stopped watching i think 20 minutes into the movie. I was bored all those 'if he is not calling, if he is not marrying you, if he is saying this, if he is........' am sure there are a lot more 'ifs' i could have met with had i watched the whole movie. And the 'self made' relationship experts trying to read, analyse and recommend solutions for all the actions.

My question is, since when did dating become such a hard subject? harder than my statistics units in undergraduate. I don't deny that yes it difficult to deal with another human being, at times i even get tired with myself and even annoyed at the things i do to me so yes i would not expect anyone to find me easy to deal with and vice versa.
But what happened to trying to understand each other, open communication, a simple this can or can't work for me but we can try this and that and the rest of the tips that we all have come across in the deposits of knowledge.

Anyways, all am trying to say is that there is some level of crap we all can handle and if you think you have met that one person whose crap you can attempt to live with and that you genuinely like each other. Simply go for it, do what you can when you can for you will simply succeed or fail. Not everyone will appreciate a girl who takes initiative not everyone will appreciate one who takes a back seat either, a prettier face will always exist a more stylish one is around the corner but the world has abundance for all. All in all remember to carry the lessons learnt and don't stay down. Finally as they say, if it isn't a natural progression, then leave it....Absolutely no point of forcing it.

distributing your risk

my musings.......

Been thinking about this for long, think its something that i need to do and am not doing. Can't really put a finger on it yet but am working to it.
The advantages of having many pairs of shoes is that you don't get to exhaust one thus increasing the lifespan of them all - across board, same to having many pairs of jeans and many handbags, this reminds me that i need to do some shopping.

On different note, investing in different things i.e. put a few thousands in the bank for the rainy day, invest others in the money market, work toward owning of some property, if the same principle of the shoes can be applied here then one is more secure.

Am not sure i can say the same about friends since those are bonds that one needs to cultivate and grow them......just something i needed to get out of of my mind.

The hot seat

Am on my second month is the hot seat, well maybe nowadays its not as hot as it was a couple of weeks back. When i heard that my boss had resigned i was shattered, saddened. I hear some people whining about their bosses and how waking up to go to work is not their favorite cup but mine has always been a different story.

He inspired me and made me aim for more, with a very interesting way of critising, harshly and politely at the same time. Success was mine to celebrate and failure was also mine to chew on.

I am on my own now, with a sticker on my desk that says 'think big, be ambitious, challenge yourself but be realistic' he liked to use those word when communicating to me. That and other other lessons that i have learnt is where i draw my strength and spirit to go on from. Though i know that soon i will have to redefine my north.

Life is all about symmetry, there is always two sides to a coin, a loss to us meant a gain somewhere else but also an opportunity for us to grow. I got rid of my old chair and now (before it gets a new occupant, if at all it will) am swinging on a task chair, sometime back i was looking at a catalogue with their price and i was like ahhh no way will i be able to justify my need for one ....... and boy my back has never felt better :).I can turn on my speakers on without being a noise nuisance to anyone, i hope you are getting my drift!

It always comes back, press down shaken together and running over. Doing and giving it your all. Making the boss feel good, hey who doesn't like to be pampered once in a while. Though mine was entirely genuine a goodbye card, goodbye message that had very kind words - which were all true and of course the blessing of the Lord earned me some money that i really needed for going back to school. Just when i had almost given up and kaboom, the cheque is clearing.

The Lord's timing is always perfect. Give with a cheerful heart. Give it your best when you have the opportunity. Become the best that you can.

Accountability partners - we all need one

Today kamama made a come back to the running world. I had taken a commercial break courtesy of my hair - yes a woman's life is quite a handful! Leave alone the fact that i think running is pretty tough on the muscles but that is story for another day as in another month i plan to be doing my 21km race marathon.

I quickly agreed to a route that i wasn't familiar with since i love trying new things that's one of the many reason why am not repeating the 10km race category this year. The first few minutes of the run were okay as i was in tandem with my running mate, shoulder to shoulder, neck to neck. Now the return trip was something else.

Beating all odds i managed to propel my body up the hill but as soon as i was done with it i was gone, totally exhausted wondering when will i get to the finishing point. My mate was beginning to give me mileage and in a few seconds she way ahead of me but seeing as i was experiencing difficulties she decided to slow down.

At that point i thought that's not very nice of her, why cant she go on! Its the return trip anyway i will make it back. You See i was in my comfort zone. But seeing as she had slowed her pace down for me i had to up my game, she was the first one among all the runners and now someone had passed her because of me. My only option was to increase my speed and so i ran and ran and caught up with her and together we finished what we had started in an averagely good time.

Had i been on my own i would definitely have taken longer and maybe even walked part of the way back. That's how important an accountability partner is.
Someone who can wait for you to fasten your laces and help you catch up with the rest. Someone who can help you get back on our feet when the road seems too challenging. Someone who can motivate us to the next level as the short 'pleasures' of the comfort zone can really deceive.

Am on a quest to look for more of such.............

Giving it my best

I wish that I was lying on a hammock, somewhere blissful and beautiful. With nothing on my mind but total peace, tranquillity and serenity. Sipping some sweet cocktail. The birds in the air singing to me, while I softly rock myself. Counting my blessing and marvelling at God’s creation and beauty.....admiring the blue skies while the sun rays gently burn my skin.

Ohhh how I would love for that to get me out of this tiredness. It’s too early in the day for me to be feeling like this and I haven’t even written down my to do list for the day. While change is inevitable adapting to new things takes a while and to move one’s state of mind from one level to the other can be quite strenuous .......explains the headaches. Taking each of life’s moment in a positive way has and is my guiding principle but sometimes trying to stick to the guiding principle can be as hard as not having any.

A good steward is one who takes challenges as opportunities. Who when they are given something like the parable in the bible goes forth to multiple it and not bury it in some hole just to present the same same gift back to their master.

The Bible says, “Is your life full of difficulties and temptations? Then be happy, for when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don’t try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete” (James 1:2–4 LB).

And with that I will put my holiday plans on hold for a little while and get ready to face the day with a bright smile. For at the end of it all, I need to be accountable.

Tempatations

Please take me home with you, ours will be a sweet relationship, a sweet romance like for the shoe and the shopper. You need me more than you would like to confess, i know you have been looking for something like this for a while now and today you found it. Your epiphany moment has finally come. I can finally be yours!

Never have i ever been tormented like i was yesterday evening. Shopping and window shopping is always a pleasure but trouble began when everything i seemed to set my eyes upon was the perfect size which could go into filling some hole in my wardrobe never mind the size of the hole.

From the perfect shoes, the perfect top not to mention right colour which would complement my skin colour to the perfect lingerie which would make me feel extremely sexy. That was a real test of self will, only thing that saved me i think was the bigger picture. Been saving for quite a while now and i didn’t think i wanted to let those 'big' temptation to come in the way of my item of desire and I.

I might have won the battle yesterday but the war still persists. What will i do when i walk into those stores a couple of days from now and find the same things waiting for me, my heart beats faster when i think about that. Will i keep fighting or should i surrender and say fate is bringing us together. We were just meant to be.

Pygmalion Effect

Pysching up for the greatest race

Am just about to hit the ground for my lunch time run. Its official now i have began training for the marathon.

My plan is to do the 21 km race in about 2 hours, i must say this looks quite ambitious for one who is not keen when it comes to running but nevertheless i have been exercising, swimming has been my kind of thing! But now i have a dream and in front of that dream is an obstacle that i must overcome.

Whats my game plan? at least try and run 3 times a week and constantly increase the mileage as the days go by. Ohh yes and of course eat a lot since i don't wish to loose an ounce of my hard earned kilos.

Time frame about 3 months!

Stick around and i will tell you the results come October and just for the records i don't plan to be one of those who will be waited for hours on end to reach the finish line!


......2 hours later - if that was anything to go by, the kiddies race would be ideal :). Ave got work to do

The Silver Has Been Polished!

Its been a month now since turning the big, let me hold it there the big O is still on its way (not that O i mean 30).

So after celebrating what I think was one of the best birthdays, it was time to do a checklist / inventory of me specifically health wise. One of my greatest fears is going to hospitals and a greater one is the site of needles and the other apparatus that one come’s face to face with and as such i have been a titan of procrastinating where that is concerned.

After much persuasion and pleading by my friend I made my debut visit to the dentist to get a filling on a cavity that has been developing since I was about 19! I think I gave the doctor such a hard time when I showed her one of my last tooth that never fully grew she wasn’t keen on giving a second appointed.

Second stop was the vct, it had been about two and half years since my last visit and don’t we know how harrowing that experience can be. The counseling session went on for longer than usual and am sitting opposite him wondering can he see through me, do I look suspicious or something am I giving ‘leading’ answers? Another funny thing this particular room was pretty small and I could see the control kits and how the blood was flowing. At one point I saw one line and smiled in my heart at another I saw two lines and wished that I had something to numb all my nerves. After an agonizing 45 minutes by which I had made such a list of dos and don’t s I couldn’t ask for a better miracle from the Lord than ‘YOU’RE RESULTS ARE NEGATIVE’.

Third stop was another debut visit. Much as there is lots of publicity about this type of test at times it really has to take a deep personal initiative and decision to do something. I went and did a pap smear test, had heard so much stories about the procedure and when I actually did I was like is this all? save for the drop the pants part which felt wierd, why all the fear! Am thankful to God again for some terrific results.

In as much as a blood test still awaits me coz of the fear of having blood been drawn from me!
I must acknowledge it’s been a somewhat challenging couple of weeks, but there isn’t a better way that I would have loved to mark the beginning of a new era in my life than by getting a really personal and intimate look at myself and my lifestyle. Now with all the knowledge and facts am at a better place when it comes to making some decisions of my life, the stakes are definitely higher. The silver has indeed been polished!.

Of writing from the heart

It's a Happy 1st Anniversary to thymoments.blogspot.com! and this comes with a some great lessons to me.

Since I started writing this blog. I have published articles only to delete them immediately after, or even after weeks or months of publication.

I have discovered that there is a great risk involved in writing things straight from the heart, driven by emotions and situations (particularly negative emotions and feelings) and having no one to edit them. Sometime what you write tends to rub some people you never intended to the wrong way, or it may just happen to be a misplaced written down thought. My initial strategy was to have an offline blog where I could pour it out as raw as it came, which seemed to work for a while but what happens when someone accidentally comes across such articles. Not to mention that there are things I have written and when I read them am like ehhh...... As for the online articles that I go back and delete that will only work for new readers but I know people who save and read the articles at their own time and so what I have deleted is actually not deleted in their records.

The greatest lesson I have learnt from this is not to write when am angry or when am full of lethal negative energy. In the past it used to be my way of letting it out which for a while seemed to work very well but I think am better off screaming it out in the field or apply some other outlet mechanism. Same case applies to replying sms when angered or emails because the danger in writing is that it leaves a permanent mark on the other end which you cannot erase.

Making headlines ....Some more great news!

I sit silently with my laptop before me, in the wee hours of the morning. Besides the bed lies a gift – beautifully wrapped in silver paper. Tomorrow is Father’s Day and as a token of my love and appreciation to the special man in my life. I will honor him with it. I carefully picked the gift, an antique clock from a store in town three weeks ago. (here the editor played around with my words)
As i type this piece, my mind wanders. I reflect on the different men in my life who truly deserve a standing ovation. This is not because of the gigantic things that they do, but the little acts of kindness done in love, for that is what really matters.

As a bachelorette who lives on her own, first I salute my taxi driver. He is like my guardian angel particularly on those long nights! He is the one that I trust more than anyone else to make sure that am home safely, many are the nights when his seat becomes a temporary sleeping zone as he drives me home and waits until am safely inside the compound to start off his engine and head his way. He is that special driver who cannot over bill me or take excess change in case my brain’s calculator switches off! He is also the one who doesn’t mind going to the nearest shop to send me airtime when I feel that I just can’t move an inch.

Secondly, the caretaker at home. The man who assists with all the heavy duty tasks around the house. He is the one who I quickly call when I buy something and need help in moving things around. He is the one who sorts my small house repairs and advices on how to nail it and screw it! He is the first person on my doorstep when he hears a scream only to find out that it’s a lizard terrorising me. And he is the one who handle all the excess and left over meals in my house as the guilt of throwing food away consumes me to the spine.

Then there is the watchman. Him I feel that I use him in a selfish way. He is the one to chase away all the unwanted intruders and the un-invited guests. However, he is the first person I see each and every morning as I leave the house and the last person I see when I enter the house save for the TV characters! His smile and salute gears me for the day ahead.

There is also the bus driver. The second man who I interact with in the formative hours of the morning. You’re cautious driving, discipline and the passion at which you do your work amazes me. You strive all you can to make sure that we arrive safely and in good time to work. The same is replicated in the evening.

To all the husbands out there, as Christ loved the church please do the same to your wives, lets not hear any more abuse in the name of taking care of the children, washing dishes, helping with house chores etc! Women are meant to be helpers and not slaves, so kindly quit the whinning and let everyone do their part to bringing up a happy home. We appreciate that you are the heads but appreciate even more when you lead with wisdom.

To all the fathers and men out there we appreciate the love, the support, the sacrifice and the many other things that you do for us. You are a pillar to our lives, a source of strength and we respect, love and appreciate you immensely.

Just like the eyes cannot survive on their own without the head and similarly the rest of the body parts. We are an eco-system and we need each other so much than we imagine. Men are truly a blessing to our lives and we honour this father’s day.

To all the sons and daughters join me in extending A Happy Father’s Day celebration to all the men out there!

counting down

It only a matter of hours now, the three months I had once talked about have come to pass. I will soon be celebrating my birthday, marking the beginning of another new year. It been quite a great year, a year of plenty of developments, a year of making mistakes but all in all one with plenty blessings.

I cannot count them all but some of the lessons that I pray (so help me God) to be carrying forth with me to new year include;

#1 – Never be too quick to judge. Sometimes the people you least expect are the ones who pull through for you.

#2 – If you don’t carry the experiences that you have learnt and put in them into practice then there isn’t any growth.

#3 – Life throws both sweet moment and thorny moments – I choose to embrace them all in a smile and a smile behind the tears.

#4 – I cannot make it on my own, as the famous saying goes ‘If you want to go fast go alone but if you want to go far go with others’

#5 – God’s timing is perfect. He is present in ALL situations.

#6 – In life you cannot afford to give up, and your situation is not unique. Everyone passes through trials and tribulations.

#7 – This is who I am. Either you like me as I am or you don’t I simply cannot change me for u.

#8 – Family comes first. I don’t tell them enough that I love them, but they were the first to wish me a happy one and send me presents.

#9 – There has to be a limit to everything. Never let people push you around, if you can’t do it a simple I would have love to but at the moment I am not in a place to do it will suffice.

#10 – Define the goals, let the expectations be well know in advance and leave nothing to chance else the non-beneficial blame game will use up a lot of your valuable energy and an inevitable failure stares at the face.

#11 – Life is about embracing changes.

#12 - To all my dear friends, i love and appreciate you all.

This simple note written in a 'hand' made card from my kid siz made me shed some tears

Dear Sister, We’ve been together for 17 years. You’ve nurtured me and taken care of me since I was small and you still keep a closer gaze on my teenage life. I love you and treasure you very much.

And i love you too!

Chase the dream and not the money

I couldn’t have a picked a better line than that from the Notorious BIG movie. I think once he internalised it things took a 3600 turn. He started dropping serious lines, reaching out to a wider audience and the rest is all in the movie.

True gratification comes from doing what you love, can you imagine the misery of working only to pay the bills and not enjoying every bit of it well i don’t mean literary everything well we all know being employed has its pains...what a nightmare it would be to wake up every morning!

A few weeks back I meet a lady who had resigned from her job and when I asked her where she was going I got a strange answer. She wasn’t sure, she had no placement yet. What drove her to resign? Boredom, tired of doing the same things over and over and over bottom line there wasn’t anymore fulfilment.

Chasing the dream leads one to a place of calling and instead of work becoming a money making adventure it becomes a place of mission. Somewhere where we feel we are bringing about positive impact to the society, to someone’s life irregardless of the magnitude. Life doesn’t offer free things, everything comes at a price and only those willing to pay the price, take the risk, dream and chase the dream will able to rip of its fruits. The world has abundance for each and every one of us, it’s only us who limit ourselves.

To summarise it, some words from Robin Sharma;
“Stay on purpose, not on outcome. In other words, do the task because it is what you love to do or because it will help someone or is a valuable exercise. Don't do it for the money or the recognition. Those will come naturally. This is the way of the world”.

Rekindling the fire

Am pretty much shocked at myself. I look at my blog with mixed feelings. Only one article last month from an average of 4-3 per month.

Where did the passion go to? Honestly, i think i did it to myself i entertained a lot of negative energy and thought on closing this blog to begin with. I somewhat thought that maybe the blog had fulfilled it mission in my life which i know think its a crazy and really misplaced thought. I thought that i was over sharing the nitty gritty details of my life with everyone. I also gave myself the excuse that am terribly busy nowadays. And also that since it almost a year i thought that perhaps i should let it die a natural death.

Perhaps some of it is true perhaps not. As i write this article am now realising that i had terribly missed writing articles for my blog. Its like embracing an old lover whose been away for months. There is some warmth in my heart that i can't explain.
My perhaps, perhaps, perhaps can be explained, am the kind of person who never likes having loose strings hanging. At times is not always possible to give a proper closure to everything but maybe if i gave this a proper one then my feelings would have definitely been different. So here is a toast to rekindling the fire, to thymoments!

Meaningful flings

I came a cross a very interesting article in my last month’s true love magazine, one that left me thinking the human race can never fail to get justification even for the things that you would normally consider absurd.

The article was talking about meaningful flings, these are relationships or should we say arrangements that are intense and romance less wrenching than a full-blown relationship and less degrading than a one-nighter. A rare hook up that you seriously connect with at a way deep level but pretty seasonal. On the other hand meaningless flings as its well put here are about scratching a persistent itch with little emotional involvement or gratification. Meaningful flings on the other hand are about sharing your dreams, your emotions, your drives and the whack but leaving out the word ‘forever’ in that scenario such that in the morning you can all wake and go your separate ways or decide to end the affair with no hard feelings from either quarters.
How i wonder how many of us can pull those off? Many at time the emotions get the better of us and before long we realise we are nursing an unanticipated heart ache.

There are numerous written and un-written explanations why one-nighters happen and now there is meaningful flings!! In this corrupt world i choose to call it that because there seem to be explanations even to the simple things that just sound morally wrong at least according to me, a guiding mantra for life comes in pretty handy.
Some mission statement that at the end of the day you can go and appraise yourself, something to clearly remind you what you really stand for, what is really important to you and what is not. A constitution, the solid expression of your vision and values, the criteria by which you measure everything else in your life. Because without that we can be sure that we will fall for so many ‘wha-evers’ in this world.